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Sunday, November 21st, 2004
11:27 pm
Finaly riight .. is that what im sopose to be thinking .??

Finaly im moving out ..9 months after the fact i am sopose to .. ?
i feel as if im 16 years old and somone has or is stealing my best freind..
its silly if i ever sit n explain it to anyone , cause everyone tells me i have alot going for my self at this point in my life ..
fookin i luv lj .. just write to write and vent i luv it .. n i love loking back on my thoughts fooK .. lil things in life ..
anywho.. im going back to school now , my work paying for it , im making okay money its not great its not good but what is good money now a dayz , i ve got friends i luv that ive been very breif with i feel like , ive got a boyfreind who i know luvs me , yet in my syko head i get heated over internet shit , b/c of my insecurities .. me calling the ketle black .. crazy -- least of my worries ..
but moving into new place thats mine is sopose to be fun .. everyone moves out .. wtf im 25 its the perfect time ,i can afford it . shes getin married .. Witch is a huge deal with me .. even tho my pops is the bigest most anoying person ive come across , i duno with the remarrage shit .. i dunt blame them for shit fooking up 25 years ago but its somthing that in 2004 still errrks me and i have no idea why . im an adult . wtf ..
i always did tell her id be here and i wouldnt leave .. toldher id rasie my kids with her in the house or around i also recall telingmy mom id never marry or anything cause her n i are too perfect for eatch other .. as i sit n write this journal , the tears fall quick frum my eyes im not crying panic tears they are just driping down my face the pain is very strange . my mother and i are more then close and share everything and are in eatch other 100% shit .. all the tyme ..
i just sit n think all the night either heart broken daughter or upset kid i was no matter how i foked up she did soo much and everything she couldfor me no matter the situation .. i cant even sitwith her now for too long without wanting to break down and cry i know shefeels tha same way . but im jsut not looking as forward to this as i want to be i want to be more exited i sit n realise when i write in this pc next thursday i will be in my place .. and it heart ackin .. my new place rocks its very nice perfect for me .. its this feeling as if somone dyed is all i can explain .. uncontrolable heartach. shes been my best freind threwout my whole life i never ask people for anththing she went frum my mom to my most insanley best freind eveR , always in the room next to me that right now i see is not abig deal but she needs to move on with life i need to get on my way and dew mything and it takes my brealth away thinkingabout not coming home to her everyday after literaly 25 years of coming home to her face and her greetings ..

and i know i will be okay i know im totaly capable of this as longas my emtions grab hold and just stop ..(i jsut want the crying to stop ) .. iwish men could understand things i know kery understand she told me shed be a mess . but i cant i cant not stop crying at night when im alone durignthe day between my clients between goin to bed jsut watchinganything .. jesus its soo baybeish redicliouse.
ahh ...
i think im goin to be ljing alot more off on my own ..... and im gonna need to get a keep up on my buddyes cause ive been awful and not readin as i should be and getin to se sum other comnuities on here ..
and im sorry ...
hope everyone is well im sorry if this tok up space on ure pages ! im too lazy to <lj yaydaydyay all that jazz tag shit up .. NEXT SUndAY MOVING DAY .. ! nini for now . im goin troling .. <3

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Thursday, November 4th, 2004
6:21 pm
NothingtoseeCollapse )

current mood: cranky

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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
9:47 pm - jus shit!!
BordoM at school !!

very bord in class .. yeah taking class's now saturday morning classes at that .. my teacher tents to talk alot i sat down not even listing anymore totalty tooning him out ..
i just kept wrting my pen just went .. what came out kinda makes alot of sence .. i asked for a raise blah blah ill know tommaro what is goingot go on ,, been working with this agenccy for years now things jsut ahhh ** my head is all over the place but things are well .. but my brain just wanders all over and my head becomes utterly fookin cluttered .. im still having werid breakdowns weather im thinkig about not living with mom anymore or out on my own or how my life is goin to be or what is goin to come out of me returing to schooL .. ther epaying in full i cant say no . blah sum aspects my job has its perks i jsut dont make enouff to live here .. i dont want alot at least not right now but i dont want to limit my self either ..
On a brighter Much more gooder note .. opie and anthony back on ,, XM RADIO .. First there was AM them FM now XM awwwwwWw yeaHH i got xm radio about a month before the boyz came on and fooK i never change the dial frum 202.. i fokin luV theMMMMMMMM WOohoOOooOO
Blah okays tata heres babble
thought'satitsworstCollapse )

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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
11:21 pm - it only hurts
THouGHtS ...

It Only Hurts When I'm BreathingCollapse )

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Monday, July 12th, 2004
12:04 pm - life is pain ..
Omg at me FOOK FOOK FOOK i just posted a 3 page lj and it earsed , jesus i love this site .

yeah the unbarable pain of dealth not understand why it comes to us or why it happends the feeeling in your beelly you get the heart aching pains the tears that wont stop falling .. as my uncle al was taken frum all of us this week the wake and funeral just to much for the handle ... could ti be that i never realy lost somone this close iam that luckey ..
[Unknown LJ tag]

this was awful as i sat in church askin why do they keep saying god took him frum us why is it we come into this world get wed and die in this house of god .. im raised catholic , i m not sure what i belive in but i do belive everytyme im in church i get angry for no mater the occaion that its all because of god .. god has taken him and asked for him he is safe sum i belive not all .. the confusion still is mind fUcking to me ...
the phone call that was made wensday night to my aunt as al thoguth she had jsut went to get coffie with her son as she was already home and said goodnight to him n that shed be back in the moring the phone call she recives les than n hour later they called him at 10 somthing n hour after she was just with him and his phone call . as if he had to say good bye one more tyme .. witch was mind blowing cause he was told he was dewing weLL .. n noone talked about anything more .. it was left at that ..

the entrance i didnt mean to make yesterday as my mother walked into the wake before me and i frose i saw him lying ther eand my body frose as i began to shake uncontrolably and tears just feel . my aunt mary comes to me with tears and fear and walks me in as i couldnt bare to look at him just lyign there .. the way we all jsut sit for the day staring and speaking of our lives and how things are goin at this wake just made me feel weird .. as i lok and se him laying ther i could sware he is still brealthing the scaryeest feeling ...
to know he was very proud of me always praising me in whatever news i had for him , how proud he was of my mother to have raised me the way i turned out .. i just dont get it .. as people jsut prayed in church isat ther n thought god didnt take him .. this is life life has taken him we are born we live make our mark and we all die .. the way my aunt could barley walk or stand the tears of hurt and anger all at the same tyme over came me before even walking into church this moring .. the dispare of HAVING to say good bye ive delt with just i duno at this moment this is horific i new this was coming all weekend last 2 dayz i jsut whatevered it i new it would get to me . never lost somone close in my family like this as i said before very strange and unselting as it should be ..
i get livid friday. livid .. in witch if your not in the best of moODs yeah your goan get more pissed of easyer witch is expected... jsut this was out of control ...

if your not freinds with somone why bother acting like it honesty ya know werks for me .. this jsut set my weekend to shit knowing the only night i was going to go out my girls didnt think it be a big deal i had said i want to go back home blah no .. if you have a freind who is jsut as good you not even knowing them as they were your freind at one point whats to miss .. the talking shit , the sneeky ness the selfishness in them,being embarrsed by there action and the things they doo .. no nothing soo leave my life be as i leave yours be go our spearate wayz in other words fook off .. but noo ya sit in ya care and tell my best freind how upset you are cry about it make others feel bad,make other remid you how much somone eles hates you wollow in it .try to make other make you feel beeter for being you is miND BLOWINGGGGG .. se me and is told jsut leave her alone and hAVe to have attention as always and make your self known .. n say hi .. lol too fookin funy ..if people clash people clash i make fun cause my girls,i bust balls but dont feed my fire with negative things about her. but i was in NOoOO mood for her presents around ,never really am havetn been in years ... we are all freinds but we cant all get along fiine i dont mean to hurt my girls b/c i cant get along with sum other chik they KNOW .. BUT DONT MIX US .ive tryed ive been quiet ive delt with this gurls mouth cuase you cant not hear her . . Cause you know she cant jsut go about her biz she has to be in everyone face all eyes on so n soo plz .. i try being mature but well my anger gets the best of me casue this gurl jsut makes me soo livid on trying soo hard at everything . jsut watching her try to be so cool and down with everything . yes i am mean its known but if you dont like somont just foOk off .. if ther not in your lives or your daily weekley anything IN YOUR LIFE fook oFF ..Tyme and tyme these two keep sayin they wish we never would keep fighting tracy plz .plz what all my points are valid and these girls have told me im right my points are not wrong my anger might be cause i get vial and i dont care But still keep telin me plz dont fight with her .. * SHURGS* IM SOO LOST JEUSUS .. blah blah blah .. sum people never learn soo my friday witch was sopose to be my realxing night out just turned to utter stewpidness .. yes i get angry yes i am dramaitC gues what to eatch there own im a bitCh .ive had freinds we went our spearate wayz its cool shit happends . all people arent as nice and chill as the ones i have now .its not a big deal i never ask you to choose never i have no problems just stayin home n realxin ever ...iam sorry ..

FOOk today im soo over whelmed with insane feeelings ther all over the place yet i feel as if im not really awake ...i cant not waiit to se my baybe tonight as he hopfully can make this al go away jsut hold me close and make me feel nice n warM and at ease..
i couldnt go to the cemetary this after NoOn its out in calverton li too far the rain is awful out .. my face needs to be washed my eyes need to be relaxed my emtions need to calm down . the painfuL thoughts as i close my eyes last night just seeing him laying there im not sure this is the best way of mouring somone or how this religion came to this ritual we call wakes and funerals as it pain is much harder when seeing it right here right there in front of your face this person is layin here in front of you to grive harder and more .. the tears just rolled down threwout the whole chruch today uncontrolably , the heart ack hurt soo much i couldnt hold it in ..

i jsut wanted to be held as i watched my family just tear up and listen to this preist as i saw my aunt mary with her eyes closed as if hurry this up my gradmother just siting staring up knowing shes thinking about her first husband she had to bury and how her sister is feeling .. as the closeing of the prayers my aunt couldnt get out of her seat i could barley see her threw my tears in my eyes , the gasping of trying to hold back my crying that he is no more here i do belive he is here in soul n spirit as i caught part of the prayers i do not belive he is with god or that god needed or wanted his presents there maybe it makes sum feel beeter thinking that maybe im childish at 24 in not beliveing there is reason of god why we die i just think its that tyme and we die i dont belive in reaons for it .. not for a second .. im not evil im not satan for thinking this way i can be very evil very angry my anger this week was awful and friday just confused me still does . how the situtation was handled and conversations went on .. too much i layed in bed the last too nights sleepin awfuL . barley being able to close my eyes last night and not actully see my uncle laying there .. in thinking i sware he is still brealthing pictureing all day yesterday ther i mean aLL day half hour to eat n that was cut shirt cause she wanted to go back and sit sit and cry weap of this loss not just to us but to the world and those all around him my aunt mary sat holdin his hand alone as i came behind her she kept uttering why tracy dear lord omg what am i going to doo .. 40 years married to him .. over 40 i think .. nothign to do but cut ya heart deep with a dagger is this awful feeling of our practicing religion as i had to sit with her next to him and jsut gasp for air and say sorry over n over ..
i never want people to do that for me . never..

i was upset my pop didnt goo today .. he sat yesterday wearing uncle als watCh they mary had givin him they were allthe best of freinds the 2 sisters and there hubbyes did everything toghther .. how do you say good bye to your best freind in the entire world . her son just not liking how it all goes down the thank yews you have to doo thank you for greviing with me he doesnt understand it too much either just get it over with type of thinking .. witch anyone could understand .. as i sat there today and they say take this body of chirst blah blha in him threw him eat this the body accpet it .. no i cant remeber the last tyme i actuly got comiuion and why i dis like it soo much .. i do feel alil bad in my thoughts the way i see threw my eyes the catholic churCh ,maybe cause i dont understand it or what i do understand i have n arugment for in my own head .. i do belive there is somthing to belive in , when you prya or look up at the night sky and jsut gaze n think were do we all go .. i belive in alot just not to sure of this god is the reason for most things as most say ..
*" its 2 am im drunk again and its heavey on my mind ,its heavey on my mind . i could never love again so much as i love you ... take my heart take my hand i need them no more , excuse me plz one more drink could you make it strong casue i dont need to think she broke my heart my grace is gone anthor drink and ill move on ... One drink to remeber one drink to ferget .. Excuseme plz one more drink could you make it strong casue i dont need to think shee broke my heart my grace is gone .. one more drink n il,move on one more drink and ill move on ... If you think of things imposable then the sun refused to shine i hole with you beside me your cold hand lay in mine,EXucse me plzzzzzzz ONE MORE DRINKKKK COULD YOU MAKEIT STRONG CASUE I DONT NED TO THINK SHEE BROKE MY HEART NOW MY GRACE IS GONE ONE MORE DRINK N ILL MOVE on ... One more drink and ill move on one more drink and my grave is gone "* dave mathews

current mood: uncomfortable

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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
11:08 pm - TICKETS ANYONE?? NYCE??
Tickets available: DFP, Madonna, Prince, Linkin
Park, Korn, Snopp Dog, The Used

Dysfunctional Family Picnic : Beastie Boys, The
Darkness, The Strokes, Cypress Hilll, Brand New,
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, New Found Glory, Story of the
Year, Taking Back Sunday, Midtown, Vertigo Blue
Saturday, June 19th @ Jones Beach Ampitheater
Orch C Row L two seats next to each other
Orch H Row EE two seats next to each other

Thursday July 8th @ Continential Airlines Arena
in NJ.
Section 121, Row 25 two seats next to eachother.
Great view of the stage. Last night in NY/NJ
These seats are 325 EACH. I知 not looking to
make money, I am unable to go and just want the
oney back that I paid for them.

Tuesday, July 20th @ Nassau Coliseum
Section 105 Row G, two seats next to each other
Section 215 Row B, two seats next to each other

Projekt Revolution : Linkin Park, Korn, Snoop
Dogg, & the Used
Friday, July 30 @ PNC Bank Arts Center in
Homdel, NJ
Lawn General Admission.
I have four available. I would like to keep
them together or as pairs, unless I have the
opportunity to get rid of all four.


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Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
11:11 pm - BORD !

My BeSt friend ChriSsS

A CLuStER FOoK a huh !@ spiRit

SeAN , Me , My baybE, sARaH n her MiikE

me mikE timmay n cathy

current mood: crazy

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10:45 pm - BEEEn a LooNG TymE ... .
Holy shit ....

well .. buzy buzy ... things are alittle messy but im hoping it will all work out , jesus its been months scine i wrote in here -- never a great thing either ,, momz getin married ( so called ) cause its not workin out to well right now . im working whenever i can - no matter what im doing i feel soo rushed i feel soo torn no matter what it is ,, even sleepin im getin this awful axiouse feeling like no matter what it is i have to finish it faster.. blah
morebaBBLEHerECollapse )

current mood: crushed

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Thursday, March 11th, 2004
4:50 am
i was one of those kids -
Who parents warned thre kids about ..
and who "i" was always todl to stay away frum ..
but now im jsut in this system of life . I didnt ever think id be in what i am now or at this point in my life .. never did i image id be who iam or what im doing in "mylife " right now i cant let anything pass me by .. and not grasp for what i want cause i might just get it .**do i "burn a candle to watch the flame just get put out or do "I" light these this candle to watch this flame Grow .. ?
Old re list ..
i am inside, this box that is dark.
This box-you cannot see..
But inside is me-
i can touch and push these walls around.
but outside noone to be found.
i've put myslef in here, imust get my self out.
i'm alone in here in this spot in this box but none can see inside and i canot see out ..
i am not at the point of screaming just yet-
soi begin to kick the walls around me -
just giving up and tiring down- my strenth is weaking..
CLosing my eyes, iam inside this box but its okay You canot see inside ...

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4:19 am
the touch drives me insane-
the kiss melts my entire soul..
the feeling overwhelms me when close to me -
all the seconds seems to stop...
All the streSs & mess of my life just dissapears-
the way you looK at me -just makes me feel soo good inside -and out .
the tyme your away its siiCk i sit n think abou when you were neaR and when u wiLL be ...
Oh Lord the ear percing sound of my alarm-
the graCefuL glance of you next to me .
The boyfreind you arE soo wonderful to me- stil dont knwo were you came frum or how this came to be but its devine* the man ayya who is mine ..

when your lips touch me , i melt.
Hands rising frum my hips along my skin you, you touch me soo softly yet soo strong ..
As our lips cant brealth without eatch others touch, i feel your heart beat faster n harder--
Your brealth gasps for air almost the same tyme- as mine does as you slowley let go of my lips..
i Hold you close-bent down cose to your face,
As i sit up on above you.
i begin to feel you, and feel you soo deep-so deep inside me you drive me insane..
As we become One slowley and fast all in the same brealth - You hold me closer, harder as i gasP for air...
As sweat frum my body meets and melts into yours oUr bodies become soaked within eatch other, inside and out .
It feels just soo intence- so strong- so amazing, our eyes casualy meet as the roOm gets hot.
The Smell oF you all ovEr and around me the SmeLL of SeX in the rooOm all over my Covers-
You remove me oFF as mt arms ger nuMb & weaK..
The grIn and envey while yOu emerge intO me frum above,penatrating me hard-
AS you grasp my legs and make me moaN your melt my entire soul it seems along with everything along with it - my mind goes a blank my body begins to quiver.
i feel you pulsating so hard so strong - the feeling i get when i hear you cum-jsu drive me nutz-
the lOOk in your eyes when its all & done-
CheCk the CLock when its only a quater past one -
Tyme for a smoke* quiCK siP oF juiCe, as you miss my garbage once again !
A huG PluS a kiSs and again were ready to do this .. ! :)

current mood: crappy

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Monday, November 3rd, 2003
11:19 pm - oiii fyii !!!!!
I've maDe my Lj freinds only too much crapola goin On in this WerlD SoOOOooOOo Just reply here tooO be AddEd im BOring thOOo SoOOoO
BUT I LikE all my private entres tOOo but freinds list only iS morE GooDer You se all my piXX chessAy that iaM!

current mood: bitchy

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Monday, October 6th, 2003
11:45 pm
been too long as always ...

my thoughts astray .. Heading towards differnt sites in my liife .seeing things in difrent ways .. likeing myself for me .. liking my freinds and how we are .. Not Lokking so down on my life ! .. def hiting the gym tommaro ..aw ywah i need more lj tyme .. thats it to recap for myselF haaaaaa..........

i sat here tongiht reading back on sum of my ljs and dayum how lj has changeD sheeSh!
i sat n layed in my bed before just let my thoughts wander ,, looked up at my ceilings and thought how bad my life just isnt and there so much more to doo and things to conquire and place to take people too sites to see parting to go down.!
i dont mind lyign in bed alone i dont mind tracy alone tyme. I am a bitto hyper tojsut sit thank GoD for pills . isat n wrote sum shit down before i dont like it i re read it and thought to my slef im goin to thiNk more PositiVe ..

idont like my lows they get to low but my highs aaaaaaah my highs seeming to bee peeks ive never seeN nor expercicned in my lifetyme , i get soh appy i can grab it and it jsut gone within a matter of seconds .. i still dearly love my job , my clients are my life my freinds are my life - not many issues going on with too many latley just the
lil ones in my lil head .. i remember thinking a long tyme ago id never be Were im at in my life . i never saw my self at 16 17 dewing as well as im dewing formy self now ... i was always strong headed always marched to my own tune .. i don't feel soo rushed right now in my life .. im taking things as they are coming and dealing with them the way im delt them!--
BoOoOO Sunday ..aw yeah .... went n tOoK myself away this weekend with fun filled smileS allaround freinds who i care deeply about and who know how to just have a dayum good tyme ...... ! tihs week has gone ruff already and its monday sheesh thanks God for this weekend .. :( till later i suCk awaiting and arrivel whom isnt hoem yet DURRRRRRRRR !. HURRAY ...

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Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
12:00 am - beEN a whiilE*
Holy horSe Shiit ......

uhm yeAh my lj still is here ... lol .. life eh ! ShurgS*

YeasuM went to vegas .. got on the plane.. took xanx had a sweet heart nextto me holdingmy haNd .. intrested in the most part if i was okay *:)
i felt comfortable .. vegaS rooCks how can it not . did'nt hit up as much as i did with my girls last tyme but dayum was it relaxing .... drew isnt much of the parteR i cant figure it out .. cause he seems to be at tymeeS. LuCkey i aM andi jsut go with my FloWws and i did .. sat night i spent the night meeting a bunChof wakoOS lol all by my lonlesone was awsoMe he was jsut tired couldnt get into rain and he was tired i dono .. he needs somthing cause im not helping keep him up . whats with BoieS faling asleep and me finding narkalpitIcS huh ! erR am i boring wtF cause thats what i get outa it in my heaD*

We laid in bed allot .its crazy how after soo much tyme goes by his touch and him neaR me still gives me shiverS . he is very good to me . ( he just changes soo quick )- layed by the pOol caught Dope tans had LootZ of SeX * ate dinner in the rooM WOnderful foOD( *mM CHeeSe CAkE Mm steaK* mMm waffelS*) all over the hoteL aLL CompeD by the wonderful georg*iieEE.. this man did soo much for us ayyay toO nicE comping everything ! FooKing insaneee..

dono i came home to hetkiC shit .. insane .. my stress level isnt to well want helped this weekend i feel very unwanted in certain areas of my life i d liek to be .....

well sharoN ( CLienT )badley burned by her mornign nurse this is kiling me inside and wraping em every day i goo sit with her .. i am now wit hher all week for the whole moringand dewing my regualr clients and more afterwards to make up for her hours my freggin agency wotn fokign pay me to help her at the hospital medicade i understand but the SyStEM bloWs . aARG alotof werK hours coming to me tho i need it ..

this weEKend harDKore friday for caz'S b day &she enjoyed her sleF PiXx to ComE ..late nights are always more goodeer .. sat worked my aSs off at the gyM waited aroudn for drew to finaly get here and went to a LoFt jammy in broklyN ErR
was CooL ... sunday wasnt .. was just like me siting alone in my house drew slept like over n over n i was like wtF is goin on got up n went home ! im soo lost . i know he dont mean it but its soo werid sumtimes n i wish i understooD how ya can jsut fall asleep over n over all day ! n leaVE whaT ! to go hoem m play a game .. yeah see this computer is what dirves me nUtZ ,, yeah i mgoin out this weeK 5 bers down tongiht im goin to bed fooK thiS!

enouFF .... too tired n fed up .. with this computer its the dearh of me and the anger thatit gets me jsut boils my blooD sumtymes and its petie shit ! its shit that Drives me nuTZzZ**

peoples need to see life outa the computer iSS more gooder for you ..
eletronics shouldnt haVE To keep you awake oR occupied i meean one in my brain over n over but i know allot like that ! i mean jesus !
this weekend the girls n i were sopose to head out eaSt to the hamptons but thats gonna be on hold for 2 week i suCk i know ..
but * ya know ! i wana go se him and his family ** ! * :)
Last night rocked siting n chatting with my girls . around the poOOl iwas totaly jsut tired and soo relaxed at her house just like stress lifted when i got there i vented and it was all gone as we all steped on eatch other talking ! :)

alright boring me * i dont like my attidute , my stance , my body tonight ,
i dont liek the way i handle certain things and i dont like that i got CrampS 3 dayz early FooKing StreSSssS .... steamed my face - too ka shower washed up .. jsut started at my self really not liking me .. jsut fed up and i feel very un orginised cant figure it out cause im realy Not ** ArGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SHOOT ME PLZ ..

( "sell all the living save all the dead" )

current mood: bitchy

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Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
12:00 pm - DAyUM pHonE*
yeashhhh ry play lanD roCks... cheSsy place but iT rooCks.. toOk a halF day at werk yesterday ** yaya foR mEeE ... got lynda wHo we then got catHy- Jumped Into cathyS riiDe Got kERRy ChriS and MEET LIL JoWEeEE finnalY and his boy chris*
haS takeN mE ForeVeR to SeE jowEe scincE he caMe back fruM the waR * GawwD daMe that KiD is kooL aS FoOOK in my BooOK*
AHHH water RiDeS ruNieD my PhonNNNNE *** cant get to my addreSS booK can only See incoming caLLS .. SucKS to bEe meeE .. im soo hoping that the Fookign thing dryes out * i got InsurencE but dayUmm im backing up my phone bOoK asaP .. gueSS ya neeD this type of lessio Nto realiZe BACK UP YOUR CELL PHONE BOOK SheeSh ..

aHHHH Tewday i get waXeD* tonight i paCk* tommaro gyM work theN toOO DreWs house n thursday VEGAS ! ! !

HeRE arE suM PiCs frUM last night tHEy SuCk i always ferget to take my camera OUT!


current mood: anxious

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Monday, July 14th, 2003
12:06 pm - WEEKEnds over!
Holy piss.. this weekend was insane ... i dono why thank god i felt like i rested alil yesterday -- didnt go to drews this weekend , however after my last posting of me just feeeling very fed up , hbahha my cell rings n it ws drew * shurgs goo figure*
friday night went out with the grouP and we drank LocaL wasnt TOoO bad , placce iwas werid kidna of a gaming place with no gaMe** WHAT ..? thats what i said .. anywho we all had insane converstaion all night about anything n evverything -- i think its great my freinds n i can jsut sit n gab about just anything in the worLLD * * ..

my best freind chris had come out now chris ive known my whole life -- not meaning like jsut a few years i meet him whe ni was in 2nd grade .. that kid would doo anything for me .. but jesus hes can nerve rack me * smiles* i luvem to death but sat i was jsut like okay enouF raverS**** SAT i went to my fathers house ....... did my laundry cleaned my turle tank cleaneed my roOm down moved all my crapola around my tv got up mad early to get shit done ....chris was nice enouf too come deal with my fathers family with mee yayyay! he got more color than i did -- sheesh i love my pop's pOoL that shit is soo awsoMe ... my lil cuz dotn look so well i know shell be fine shes as tuff as i am but no joke i can pictureevery emotion shes goin in i can see myself remembering excatly how she feels i was there i was at that very same point **

i dew love her i feeel very close to her closest iv ever been wiht any cuz probly cause she lives close and we realatle allot :) anywho yeah soo we leavemy dads house WOW This post is getin boring ** go to my house i get shoes Off to ps1 - i stop home yeah gota drive my uncle to my grandmothes drop him oFF fams ther gota say hi to them .. ahah go get gas cigs with MY NEW ATM/DEBIT credit card jammy ---- YAYYA GOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee
lasst tyme i saw that card till 3 in the morning it was mia for hourssssssss hiding in my cars passenger seaT -- SucKS to be meee - soo ps one backto sum chiks kims house with her man rob * wait for themm then to centralfLy *** WHITCCH I TOOK a bridge that wasnt MOVING AT ALL,, then NO PARKING yayay ! GRAAAAAAOR .. then we get in kerry n ccathy already there ** kevign didnt wanna come he SuuCkS ... ! but the place was rockign i was just soo shot fru mthe dayy .. yeah i end up walkignot my car aloen then droping all chis shit of atthis hosue booking 80 85 all the way home realxing blaring my tunessssssssssssss **
NEW cable cammmmE . Cable man came early sunday moring yeah 800 CHannels wTf no life forme now im soo happyyyyyyyyyy ** finished cleaning my rOOm computer table read up sum shit on the net ,watched taming of the shrew and the 12th night ayay Shakspear rules .. spoke to my baybe 2xs this weekend boiee i miss him -- wesday I LEAVE ** PA THEN To VEGAS BAYBE. till next tuesday aw yeahhhhh
err enouf bable ...i slept liek shit last night fook im beat today this no sleeping morings on weekends jsut runied my weeKK arGGGGGGGGG*** tiLL later yeah enouFF! its monday awwww foOOK .... ( poUtS) *** PS FOO Ki CANOT FIX MY COMPUTER CLOCK KEEPS TELLIGN ME ITS THE WRONG DATEEEEEES WTFFFFFFFFFFFF POWER SURGES I DONO WHAAT THE FOO KIS WRONG ALL MY LJ DATES ARE WRONG*** ARGGGGGGG

current mood: hopeful

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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
11:38 pm - Blah
hella shit i dono why my Freaking lj has the wrong dates on it WtF... anywho i fixed it i think!
Blah up @ 730 not sleeping very well playing tony hawLk chating on the PhonE .. blah
Up n atem early as foOOk so our fusess can be fixed .. no gym today got my hair did i got Blond streaky jammys all oveRR very chunkey LooKing very nice i lOVE it ...

Today i feel soo blah my mom hates my hari she prety much made me cry , i dono why she hates alot about me..
My autn called me very woried about my lil cuz 17 .. not dewing weLL shes 17 and shes juust like me to a tEEEEEEEEEE , not a difrence in how shes acting as i did witch scares me soo cause i hated everything and didnt want to live allot also but too extreames allot ... she knwos im there for her but i need to push it i called her spoket o her she just blah alot man she lost her 3 best frends scine 1st grade and her bOyfreinD . imean i couldnt imagine .....
soo my pops calls me yea hmY DAD called meeeeee .. im gona go there sat n dew my launDry head oUT with the Girles tommaro n sat night . idoNOoO ..
i try sumtyes alil too much in situatiOns i know i should push no more its my OCd . . !
i duNo im soOO vexed n pissssssssssed off i leave drews sunday speak to him yet rare durignthe week nothing odd .. but god dame... this is just not gooD . hes jsut seems to not care whe nim not around dont make anysencE !!! he not a user he dont seem the type But heLL i dont need to be ignored when more important shit must be goin oN and its not me . so and to be my man* i mean converstaion a hi a how are u durignthe week is needed this day was anoyinGGGGGGGg .. just an anoying dayy this fuse eltrician runied my whole closet , holy piss the oil man came to change the oil in the basement .. aRG . i feel ugly inside tonight.,.

very scared of this flight very scared somthing bad is gona go down with drew and i ever jsut get a gut feeling . yeah i hate seeignteh glass halF empty :*( n not half fuLL but theres my lil mind wondering , why wont he call me baCk . i won't keep calling not my thing i left a message sal i wiLL doo.. staying more n more OF the NET is more goder for me anywho..

:*( but i miss him ... sucsk cause ig ot bad feelignsthis weeK about sumthing ..

aRg i woke mommy Up talkign to loUD arGG .. MOnday ry play land wit hthe girls and my Boie jowEE nad his daVe are coming havsnt seen dave scaine before he went away to fight in waR i mSOO HAPPY hes hoMEEEEEEEEE dayUmhes a Goo kiD!!!!! WOoT WooT lil bastaRd went n saw journeyy last night FOOk ball bag i couLDDDDDDDDDDDD kiLL him.. blah
blahCollapse )

current mood: crappy

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Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
1:02 pm - TusdaY oNlYYYYYYY WTF
arG get up havent slept well in nights .. Finnaly last night Got a goOD nights resT, niice n cold in my aced RooOm WooOT wooOT.... Fooking go pick up my Client mad early to drive her to worK .. FooKing mother Fookers by the local pool Droping ther kids oFF in the MiDDLe oF the MothER FUKing STREEEEEEEEET ... WTFFFFFFF

and they just ruN across , i mean i went driving down there sloW but stiLL i mean tooK me forevEr and THEY HAD n attidue was aWfuL .. went to the Gym doo my machaines For n hoUR NO ACCCCCCCCCCCCC @ bailys . holy mother mary oF God i was DyiinGGGGGGGGGGg geton my lil precore jammy to ruN steP wateever 2 miles trying for 3 fooking Driping wet. awfuL .. Come home nice n hot in my house TOok a cooLd as shoWeR .. WooT WOoOOT ..
yeah i dono ... back to yhe gyM tommaRo got soOo much to do gota get my haiR doen all thsi paper woRk by monday .. laundry pacK .. gyM , se my girles FooOK i MiSS theM ... relax inbetweEN woOOt work trying to get as many hours as i can changge my MOneY over frum my savings to my checking account ..ARGGGGGGGGGGg yeyyayayya its only Tuesday * SUMMER TYMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!! Sum PicS i Got BorD i dont like MY face in pics i lOoK FunnY** SHURGS* ** hErE


current mood: bouncy

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Sunday, July 6th, 2003
4:02 am - hOOOT HooOOT AWw yeAH!

yay aya HAppAyFouRtH .. hope everyone's holidaY went WElll...

ayya for me myself n i i toOk a shorRt yet endeD my lil 3 hours driveto DrewS casa .. i likemy long drives i like ny queit tyme .. me sitting either just driving on my own blarring my tunes ** noT geting lost* yaya or talking ot my GirlS on my NEW* hands free phonE jammy yaya ** its fun For me .. i get to pa .. prety dayuM goOd weekend* Chilled with a few dayum cooOl mother fookerS i was not shockeD really judtit was dayuM cooL and i m very happy abouT thaT .. yeaHgoOD for me my freinds LuV me and i Luv theM n my girles n i chit chaT here n there throughtoutthis weekEnD ayya ..

onlY distance makes the heaRt stronger RiiiGht YAAYAY in al aspecTs CorrEct .. yeah Sucks for me ail tipsy stiLL alil in paiN * WInkWinK NuDge NuDgE* All geWWD yaya .. i no wanna go home i sit here On MothER FooKing dial Up ayay i canot sleeP tooK my sleeping PillS .. oF COurSe i wanna be in MY BED i wanna Ce my mOmmAY iwanna chillw my girls but I nOO wannnA LeAve yeAHH imA SuKeR... yeah get the feelinGs a weekendis enoUFF with us .. igeT thE feeling hes jusT had enoUFf After a weEkend cant explain it ... aRg no wanan think negative noFfin ayya mEe .

ARRG worE my tOO peIce bathinG suiT WOoOTWOoOT GOooOO mEEE whO grew ballS ( HAHA ) anD my bellY LoooKs niceynicE muChoo beetR im prouDof ne even if nonnE eleS iS ..! ! AND DAAM DA DADADAAAAA .. my cell PhonE ayay in my name thatrokS .. everything is out of robs name .. theres no ressonfor him to contaCt me ..
beinG the Ex he is being the smart ass he is tryign pull pull the shit were hes< gonna leave ME alone ,, and not call and not bother me like hes dewing himself maybe me the favoR hARDy har har as he calls me while hes away in fl on vaction last week to see if i cleared everything up withthe phOnEs . ya know whaT it didnt nEeD muCh explaintion yes itsdone thats it ITS A FReAKING PHONE >> HOLY BEJUESUSY CHRESSY>!!

ARGGG yaya iwent swiming .. yaya im yeling off ramdoN thoughts in my HeaDd teWNiight ... yaya i haDAniCE orgasuIM WoOohOo FOr mEeE . i got nicE soFt kiseS ayay For mEeEe i Got Nice swEEt hugS frum my baybe ..... vegaS almost alil over a week away LoOk OuT Y00 w3rdEm Up .. okay onthat tyne fora smoke n beD i SUCCKKKKKK *** hope all is weLL with my Lj HorES WOohOoo KiSseS!

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Saturday, July 5th, 2003
10:36 pm - OD to kERry post*
this Post is For my kerrrygirl.
my KerrygurL does not have her lil puter runing at the presenT tymE , wHy i really dont knoW ..
she just HUng up with me and chesY me saID to her im makinG and Od to kerry PosT**

Now for many who dont know kerry has an Outstanding laFF who can make anyone craCk a Giggle Once hearing her laff .. HeR smile Lights uP her faCE and anyones whos around her ...
her moOoD swings we aLL leaRn to cope with even her and they are muCh morE beettER than evER ..*
My kErrRY gurL wiLL reaD thiS once she getS to WoRK tommaEro while sopoSe to Be workinG yaya!
thiS might fine KerRy GurL has off al weekend WitCh mean MuCH more BeeR For uS iS muuCH MOrRe GooDer AwwW yeaH.... See my kerry girl listens to everything isay allthe tyme .. she give me her advise weather its bad or goOd its HOneSt .!
SeE now my KerRY i HolD very CloSe to my heaRt To baD my moM wantS to trade hER and cathy instead oF just having me ...sheesh!
I can call kerry crying i can call her lafing my asS oFf not makign a bit oF senCe , weather its to tell her the bars in pa are closing its 2 ..( DUR) or just to se what shes up to while i siT and be borD or vent or to listen to what she has Done or is dewing without me there ... I can walk into her house in a paniC staTe and she"ll know why.. i can LooK at her anD NOT saY A worD AND CRACK THE PHUCK UP .. she my best freind and im always here for her as she is for me and i know she knows that i hold her dear to me and ThanK heR for sticking aroUnd to deal with me ..

Now WhoS your kerry girL in urE LifE cauase i luV mInEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe ..( heeh NOT SOLD IN STORES)

current mood: crazy

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10:22 pm - PAUL BOOTH ROCKS ..

current mood: cranky

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